The Power of Vulnerability | Part 2: Wrestling Your Inner Critic

In our last article, we talked about the value of vulnerability in the business world, and how it facilitates both confidence in your vision and humility in your perspectives. Vulnerability doesn’t just apply to the external world. It also means being vulnerable to your inner critic – that invisible judge telling you this is a mistake, you’re not good enough, how could you possibly succeed?

Our inner critic can act as a deterrent to action, highlighting all the risks and ways that we can fail. Or it can remind us of a negative outcome long ago, arguing that it’s likely to reoccur. For all the ways we can judge ourselves, worry about adverse consequences of decisions, or bring up the past, the inner critic seems always ready to add fuel to the fire.

As coaches, we focus our clients’ attention forward, toward achieving their desired outcomes. This may require significant changes in mindset, learning new skills, modified leadership style, or pivoting direction. All of these naturally bring out the client’s inner critic, making them vulnerable to their internal judge.

So we ask: how can you use this inner critic to your advantage, and quiet the internal judge when it’s stoking fears that are holding you back?

While a number of tools, practices, and scientific data can be found in the literature, we’ve assembled a short list of approaches that have proven helpful to our clients.

1. Gratitude: Remember that the inner critic has good intentions and exists for your survival – identifying threats and risks. In tech language, it’s a Ghost Program – machine code written and deployed a long time ago, for a different purpose and different set of circumstances. That code is still running within us, but no longer relevant. In order to understand or manage it, you may first want to appreciate that it is well-intended and not your enemy. It is trying to fulfill a role that isn’t as needed as it once was. Thank it before you banish it.
   

2. Personify: For the truly nasty inner critic, try labeling it, naming it, picturing it. When it speaks up in an unhelpful way, what does it “look” like to you? Referring to it in a humorous way, or calling out its characteristics, allows you to gain perspective on the situation. This perspective helps you to step back from the critic, separating its negative chatter from your broader perspective.
   

3. Distract: Using techniques to disrupt an unproductive train of thought can allow your wiser self to step back from the situation, and get you back on course. Techniques can include mindfulness practices, exercise, meditation, or music. Anything which stops your thoughts from spiraling, which allows you to take a deep breath and objectively assess the situation.
   

4. Learn: When your inner critic seems to replay a negative outcome every time you are ready to take a leap, use it as a learning opportunity. What can you take away from what it’s putting in front of you? Have you learned one thing from it? If yes, move on.
   

5. Accept: Stop resisting. For most of us, struggling against an inner judge takes energy and attention away from moving forward. Accepting that you cannot control outcomes, and simply saying to yourself “got it, moving forward anyway,” frees up your time and attention for better use.
   

6. Strength: Recognize that a critical inner voice can arise from a personal strength. For example, if you excel at strategy, you’re likely very good at analyzing decisions from several different angles, and picturing all the possible outcomes. This allows you to see potential consequences both positive and negative, for any big decision. Great for conducting scenario analyses, but less helpful when you need to make a leap. Noticing where this tendency comes from can give you the perspective you need. It shows you that the inner critic can be a resource, rather than just a hindrance.

Next time you’re wrestling with your inner critic, don’t judge. Rather observe. Start by noticing the ancient-old Ghost Code narrative you are running. Then try one of these techniques, see where it leads you, and have patience with yourself.

Leave us a comment – What have you tried? What works best for you?